Tomorrow is my 5 year wedding anniversary and it has me reflecting on the last 5 years a lot! Derek and I got married when I was 22 years old and I’m currently 27, so lots of things have changed and we’ve both done a lot of growing and developing. It’s been such a wild ride thus far and I can’t wait for the next 50 years!
To celebrate our anniversary on my blog, I wanted to impart some of the wisdom I’ve gained having been married for 5 years. Everyone says that the first 5 years are the hardest – I can’t attest to that because we’re only at 5 years – but I can confirm that these 5 years have been rough. Worth it and amazing and wonderful, but rough.
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Some of these lessons may apply to you and some may not. Remember that marriage is different for everyone and comparing yours to anyone else’s is simply a disservice to everyone involved. Marriage is very much about what works for you – “you” meaning you and your spouse – not necessarily what works for others. If you find these lessons to ring true for you then that is wonderful; if not, just keep in mind that everyone is different. 🙂In celebration of my five year wedding anniversary, here are five lessons I've learned after being married for five years. Can you relate to any? #marriage #husbandandwife #anniversary Click To Tweet
1. You are capable of being whatever your spouse needs you to be.
I think a lot of people truly believe in the sentiment “I am who I am”. People think the way they are is the way they are and there is no changing it. After 5 years of being married and a lot of pruning, I can confidently say that you are capable of being whatever your spouse needs you to be. The important part is that you want to change. Your spouse cannot change you – period – but if you desire to change for them then it is 10,000% possible.
Now, please don’t misconstrue this for your partner trying to fundamentally change who you are. Sometimes people simply aren’t compatible. This lesson involves a lot of humility and self-awareness and realizing that you can’t change everything about your partner to make them “perfect”.
2. Having a healthy and satisfying sex life is hard (no pun intended).
You’d think sex would be an easier aspect of marriage, but it’s probably one of our biggest struggles. Without getting too personal, we’re in a good rhythm now, but it’s taken years for us to get here. Lots of transparency and vulnerability and some downright awkward conversations.
And while sex isn’t everything in a marriage, it’s definitely an important aspect. So be brave and have those awkward conversations. It’s definitely worth it 😉
3. Our marriage flourishes when we’re experiencing happiness and success on an individual level.
After getting married, it’s vital to remember that your individual identity doesn’t fade away. Yes, you two are now a new unit, but you are still individuals as well. It’s important to take time to develop and explore interests unique to you, even after getting married.
I would say within the last 6 months, our marriage is doing better than it ever has been even though we’re the busiest we’ve ever been. Derek is a teacher and works 50-55 hours a week and he’s currently in his masters program. I have this blog on top of being a stay at home mom. Plus, we’ve both been fairly committed to going to the gym. We have a lot of things pulling us in several directions, but we’re experiencing success in these personal endeavors, and that happiness and personal fulfillment is spilling into our marriage.
4. Having kids will change your marriage.
This one seems obvious, but I truly believe that you cannot comprehend just how much having kids will change the dynamic in your marriage. I’ve literally been sitting here for several minutes trying to come up with a word for just HOW having kids will change your marriage, but it’s impossible.
When we first had Clementine, neither one of us adjusted well to parenthood. It’s been a long road to get where we are now. Our marriage was negatively impacted by having a child for a long time, but with hard work and long talks we’ve settled into a routine that works for us.
5. You can both be right during an argument.
This has without a doubt been the toughest lesson to learn. And I’m still learning it! Everyone will basically be learning and grasping this lesson for the rest of their lives.
Being “right” is basically an illusion based off of your very specific perception. Think of everything you do, think, say, and feel as being filtered through a lens. That lens is composed of every experience you’ve ever had, your preferences, your opinions, etc. Obviously everyone’s lens is going to be different, right? Including your spouses!
This makes it difficult (to say the least) when it comes to disagreements. And if you’re one of those people who need to be right, like I am, then it will cause a lot of rifts in your marriage. Being able to take a step back, truly listen, and consider someone else’s lens is a very hard skill to hone, but, ultimately, it will benefit you greatly.
To read more about how your drive to be right is disrupting your life, click here.
What lessons have you learned throughout being married? Share them below! 🙂