Harmony Doesn’t Exist

Posted August 30, 2017 by Kalyn in Motherhood / 2 Comments

Time in one area is time away from another. – Pamela Shaw

You guys, I know it’s been awhile, but this post is going to somewhat explain my absence of posts.

I know I’m not the only mom in the world who feels overwhelmed. I’m in about a gajillion Facebook groups and all of them are overflowing with moms who are at their breaking point. Moms who are working hard, day in and day out, and are exhausted. They are mentally drained and physically touched out. They are wrought with anxiety and depression and turning to wine to cope. If someone did a poll, I wouldn’t be surprised if mothers made up a large majority of day drinkers.

And any problems can be severely exacerbated if the mom is an introvert or struggles with any type of mental illness.

If you’re wondering why so many moms around you are struggling to keep their head above water, you either don’t have kids or, if you do have kids, they’re magical unicorns. And if your kiddos are magical unicorns, please understand that is the exception, not the rule. Most kids are tornados.

It seems to me that mothers in this generation seem to be struggling more than in previous generations as well. This is made evident by the fact that mothers of older generations are confused as to why mothers today just don’t “have it together”. Their attitude can come off as sanctimonious and unsympathetic, but I think most times they are just genuinely confused.

But motherhood has changed a lot over the years. For example, moms today are having cops called on them if children are seen roaming outside unsupervised, even in their own neighborhoods. That means that moms today can’t toss their kids outside so they’re out of her hair so she can accomplish other household tasks, such as cleaning and cooking. Moms are also judged for doing anything other than paying attention to their kids. This judgement is especially harsh if your hobby is viewed as frivolous. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “I just couldn’t imagine spending that much time away from my kids to do my makeup – they are my #1 priority after all”.

Basically, mothers today are supposed to somehow manage a household while simultaneously giving their child(ren) undivided attention. Oh, we’re also supposed to neglect ourselves, because any amount of time invested in yourself is time away from your kids, which earns you the #badmomaward 🏆

And take a second to imagine what it’s like for moms who work!

Is anyone still confused on why moms are struggling these days?

Time is a Pie (Chart)

I’m going to propose that harmony doesn’t exist. Time is a finite and fixed concept. What I mean by that is that you can’t add more time, wish as we might. Every day is only 24 hours long. With all of that being established, think of time as a pie chart. Everything you do occupies a slice in the pie chart, and all the slices must equal 100% (or 24 hours, in this case). Therefore, if you want to make more time in one area, you have to take it from somewhere else.

I’ve heard the quote by Pam Shaw for the last few years and never understood it fully until I heard the pie chart analogy. It helped me to visually think about it in a way that I hadn’t before.

Final Thoughts

Since I can’t add more time, I’ve decided to start practicing grace with myself. I’m starting to let the best that I can do be good enough. I’m learning to bite off what I can handle and to not compare my bite to others. I’m learning to do what I can and to let God bless that work.

2 responses to “Harmony Doesn’t Exist

  1. Kat

    The title of this post caught my attention. I have 4 kids ages 11 to 2, and we homeschool. I love my children, but we are together all of the time and I often feel suffocated. I started my blog 2 months ago as a creative outlet. Though I’ve been cranky and tired while starting up, I think overall I will be a better mom for it.

    I remember that I often spent the entire day outside roaming the neighborhood as a child during the summer. I almost had the cops called on me because my 3 year old snuck out into the front yard and a neighbor saw him by himself. I don’t think that my mom’s generation struggled with guilt like we often do. My old neighborhood was more like a village, and people genuinely looked out for one another instead of condemning. I am taking a page out of your book and practicing grace.

    • Kalyn

      Kat, I am so happy to hear that you will begin practicing grace for yourself! I can’t believe a neighbor called on you instead of just escorting your toddler back inside. What a waste of resources! That’s definitely an instance of condemning instead of helping. I’m so sorry that happened.

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